Who cares?
Is it the gift of age, confidence or a combination?
Over the past few weeks my wrist has been bothering me a bit. I am not sure what caused it, although I am entirely sure that my phone and computer use aren’t helping. At first I noticed it one day in yoga, the weight on my wrist in planks and chaturangas was enough to give me pause, roll it out, and see if I could continue. It seemed fine the rest of class. Later that week I noticed it just for a second in tennis, and quickly then the flare went away. So the following morning when I noticed it again in yoga, I didn’t pause and try again, I simply rolled up my mat and left.
Lately several friends have had what started as a minor nuisance evolve into a more serious injury, something that has kept them sidelined for weeks (or months). Also as I get older things might not recover quite as quickly. The combination of those realities have helped me to pause, rest and treat at the first sign of pain. I had booked acupuncture and ordered a wrist guard before I had left the parking lot. Being out of commission isn’t worth pushing through.
I know it is in my best interest stop and rest, and then take things slowly and to make modifications. Avoid some exercises all together, and modify others as needed. And while I am happy to do so now, that was not always the case.
As a kid - I modified to the extreme. Looking for any shortcut possible. I was active, but lazy? I don’t love that word, but it’s true. I definitely was cutting yardage in swim practice or cutting corners on a run. Happily “modifying” anything I could - be it the count, the distance or the exertion.
Then as I got older, I would never pause or make any modifications in class. For one, I remembered being the kid who would always take the easy out and I wanted to prove to myself that I was past that. Secondly, and definitely the bigger motivator, but the infinitely worse reason, I didn’t want to be judged. To be seen by others as someone who couldn’t hack it. Especially given that I might have been in (or felt like I was in) a bigger body than others in a class, I didn’t want to be viewed as someone who needed a break. Was anyone watching, I doubt it? Did anyone care, likely not, and if they did, that is more of a reflection on them than me. But I didn’t see it that way. I assumed everyone would notice and I would push through. Only modifications allowed were to make something harder.
Now finally we have come to the Goldilocks stage. The happy medium. I take modifications when I need them, but not necessarily just because I want them. Something is hard but I can handle it - push through. Something is hard but I need a break that day - take it. Recovering from an injury - take time to rest and heal - either completely or with a form of movement that won’t cause issue, even if it does feel lighter than I want.
I am not sure if the ability *for me* to accept modifications stems from age and the general ‘who f*ing cares’ that comes with it, or as I am more confident in myself and my abilities, I have been able to access a ‘who f*ing cares’ attitude, albeit a slightly different version.
Whichever it is, I am so glad that it is here - I just wish it could’ve arrived a bit earlier. But oh well - who f*ing cares… better now than never.
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